After a few minutes, an elderly man exited the confessional, and the light on the confessional box turned green.
I went in to the penitent's stall, and kneeled. I made the sign of the Cross, and through the grill I said "Bless me Father, for i have sinned. it has been a little over three months since my last confession."
I could make out the outline of Father tim's face through the confessional.
"Good afternoon, John," he said. "We've been looking for you."
"We," I asked, "In the sense of 'you and the Lord', or 'we' in the sense of you and someone else?"
"We, in the sense of the bishop and I," he replied. "The Lord knows where you are at all times, and the Lord knows we've been looking for you."
"I've been doing some thinking," I said.
"I understand," he said.
"I note that that was phrased in the singular."
"You note correctly," Fr. Tim replied. "He was considering filing a missing person's report. I convinced him you'd turn up soon."
"Thanks, Tim, I appreciate it."
"Though I did say some prayers to St. Anthony to make sure," he added.
"Well, that never hurts," I said.
"Do you want to talk in the rectory or do you have things to confess?"
"Both," I said.
"Go on," he said.
"Father, in the last ninety days, I have, although I am a priest, failed in my requirement to say mass each day. I believe I've missed mass four times."
"Go on," he said.
"I have suffered from the sin of acedia. I have also gotten drunk a number of times."
"You are medicating the memory. I understand."
"I have also failed to identify where I failed in my last case. I do not know that I have even applied myself diligently to self-examination."
"It is probably still too early, and at any rate, you did not kill her, a demon did," he said.
"You say that as if you believe that," I said.
I could see him turn to me, through the grill. "I do, John. No one thinks you were at fault."
"Father Ricardo might disagree with that," I replied.
"Father Ricardo is dead," he replied. "And he has been for over three years now. Time to face that, John."
"I pray to him, you know," I said.
"And I am certain," said Fr. Tim, "That he prays for you. And assuming he is in Heaven, we can only assume that because of his proximinty to the Lord, he has more power there than he ever did here, and is looking after you there better than he ever did here. In which case, he could not have prevented the girl's death any more than you could. In which case, the girl's death served some purpose in accord with God's ineffable will, which we are obliged to accept, even when we do not understand it."
I considered this for a moment. Tim had prepared this trap for me with some consideration. He was a good friend.
"I've never had this happen before," I said.
"Well, hopefully it will not happen to you again. And if it does, consider a different line of work if you cannot accept the consequences. All of us fail, John. No one is perfect."
I sat in silence for a moment or two.
"Do you have anything else to confess?" he asked.
"No," I said.
"Make an act of contrition," he said.
I did so.
“God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace. And I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," he said.
"Amen. Thank you Father," I said.
"And for your act of penance you can come over to the rectory with me. I need your help with a case."
"Now, Tim, that's not fair," I said. "You can't use penance to make me take a case for you."
"I didn't ask you to take the case. I have permission from the bishop to proceed on it on my own, and I intend to do so. Since you were out of the loop, I had little choice. I will be the lead on it. That being said, I want your help, and since St. Anthony sent you to me today, I'm pretty confident I'm going to get it."
"Ok," I said. "You've done the necessary preparation?"
"Of course," he said.
"When are you planning to do this?" I asked.
"Tonight," he said.
I sighed. "Ok, Tim," I said, "But I'm only in this as backup. And don't let the old man know about it."
"My lips are sealed," he said.